Arguing
The other day I was driving home with the boys strapped in the back of the van, listening to the radio DJ talk about some innocuous fluff. Normally I like this. I find it calming and relaxing. Perhaps this is why morning shows are so popular - I'm not the only one who likes to listen to meaningless chit chat.But let's get back to this particular night of meaningless fluff. The DJ was prattling on and then said, "Families argue for a total of 4 days per year." Add together all the time a family spends arguing, and it equals 4 days. My head whipped around, my jaw hit the floor, and I said out loud (to the radio), "What?! There is no way families argue for 4 days!" I might have bought 40 days, perhaps even 400, if a year didn't stop at 365. Not 4. Even though it's not as though this estimate is based on any factual/reliable study, I still felt my blood start to boil.
You see, my job is not stay-at-home mom, it's Professional Arguer. I spend all day, every day, arguing with my unreasonable spawn.
"Mommy, I want a piece of candy from my Halloween pumpkin."
"No."
"But WHY?"
"Uh, because you haven't pooped on the potty, eaten your whole dinner, or any of the other things you need to do to earn a piece of candy."
"But...."
"No...."
And on and on and on. This could continue for 30 minutes or more. It's like a tennis match. Corey lobs some BS over the net, and I lob it back. He lobs again, and I lob back. Back and forth, back and forth, potentially ending in a Serena Williams-esque meltdown at the end.
And let's not forget the 2-year-old, who may lack vocabulary, but is still quite capable of promoting his agenda with impressive levels of stamina.
Considering all of this, I started trying to come up with a more accurate estimate of the amount of time spend arguing. I quickly gave up on this in favor of jealousy of these families who only argue for a total of 4 days in a year.
I quickly forgot about my jealousy, however, when one of my children asked me for something else that I was unable to provide right that moment. That's the one upside to the constant arguing - there's little room for contemplation, as my attention is constantly being diverted away from whatever I was trying to focus on. Call me on the phone if you want a demonstration. Make sure you have a pen handy so you can note the number of times I ask you to repeat what you've just said.