Happy Birthday, Corey!

Today our big boy turned 3! And the first thing he said to me was, "Mommy, fix zoo hair!" Apparently it was a bigger mess than usual, and this is unacceptable to 3-year-old birthday boys.

Today has been pretty busy - we took Corey to the bagel shop, to Giant for balloons and a giant bag of lollipops, and to the mall. All activities he loves. Which means I've had very little time to think. But now that the day is winding down, I can't help but think of the day of Corey's diagnosis. That day, October 15, 2004, when the perinatologist told us flatly that our sweet baby boy was destined for nothing but suffering and death. Well thank God that guy's an idiot!

Today Corey is doing very well - he couldn't be sweeter, he couldn't be smarter, and we couldn't be more proud of him. We also couldn't be more amazed that we have reached this point. There was a time when I believed we never would. It's never felt so good to be wrong. Hopefully Monday's echo will bring more good news, and we can move forward with planning the October Fontan.

Tomorrow we celebrate with a party here at Chez Corey. Until then, we are busily reviewing the attendees every hour or so. "Mommy, who's coming to my party?" After a thorough recount, he likes to go over it again. And again. He's just a wee bit excited. :-)

Happy Birthday, Corey! We love and adore you.

Mason turns one, despite his best efforts to avoid the day...

Mason has spent the past few weeks diligently trying to kill himself, so it is with great pride, relief, and joy that I announce his failure in this venture. Mason has banged his head on every piece of furniture in this house. Also, every time I turn around, he has something else in his mouth. When I'm lucky, it's a random Cheerio that has fallen on the floor. The worst, however, was when he managed to find a penny and pop that in his mouth. Thankfully Damian saw it shining away on Mason's tongue, whacked him on the back, and it flew out onto the floor. My heart was in my throat, and the flood of relief I felt when that penny came out was like a shot of adrenaline straight through the sternum.

The heart child didn't stick things in his mouth. Corey wanted nothing in his mouth, including food, for quite some time. Thus, I never had to worry about him choking on random items he might find on the floor. And so it is a whole new world with the healthy heart boy. Mason wants to eat everything. And I do mean everything. If you are in charge of his meal, and you don't get the food to him fast enough, prepare to suffer the consequences. Sometimes I just put him in his highchair and throw meat at him from across the room, like they feed the lions in the zoo. It's safer for everyone that way.

Of course I am kidding. Mason truly is as sweet as can be, and I feel blessed and amazed that my little baby boy is one today. His Aunt Amanda asked me if I feel like it's been a fast year, and the answer is yes and no. Time is funny in that way. Part of me feels that if he's already one, then in five minutes I'm going to be watching the back of his head as he walks out the door and heads off to college. But it also feels as though it's been five years since January 4, 2007, when the doctors said to me, "You have HELLP Syndrome. We're going to deliver your baby in the next 2 hours. Make your calls." The next thing we knew, Mason was here with us!

Happy First Birthday, Mason Thomas! I couldn't have asked for a more wonderful child than you. I love you.

Happy 8 months, Corey!!

That tiny guy is 8 months old today! He has spent his 8-month birthday using his legs to stand like a big boy. He's getting stronger and stronger, and I think it had a lot to do with seeing that other baby standing.

I've been thinking a lot lately about what it means to be a parent. Of course I can't claim to know nearly as much as all of you who have grown children. You've been through so many more years than we have. Even those of you who are into the terrible twos have seen plenty that I haven't. But I do know a hell of a lot more than I did before Corey came to be. For example, I know that I love him in a way that I never knew was possible to love another being. I know that I would do anything in the world to protect him or help him. I know that if I ever hurt him, in any way, unintentional though it might be, I'd move heaven and earth to make it right between us again. Right now this means that when I shoot some meds into his mouth and choke him by mistake, and he cries and gives me that accusatory "How could you do this to me, mommy?" look, even though I know I am not hurting him on purpose, I apologize and hug him and kiss him until he smiles again. When he's older and I screw something up, it'll mean something else. But I'll always try to figure out what it is. Hopefully the sheer strength of my love for him will always come through.

Be sure and check out the cute pics of Corey that Damian posted!

One year anniversary of the worst day of our lives....

Today is October 15th. One year ago, today, we went to the doctor for our 5-month ultrasound. That morning Damian and I were so excited to find out the gender of our baby. Never in a million years did we expect that day to end up the way that it did.

We did find out that Corey was a boy that morning. And we also found out that he has tricuspid atresia. But on that day, we had almost no hope for our baby. The perinatologist painted us the bleakest of pictures. The fear and pain we felt were unfathomable.

This morning I went back and looked at an email that I sent to my women friends and coworkers explaining the situation. This is what I wrote:

"Hi Ladies,

I know I should be calling each of you to tell you this, but I can't face another phone call to break the news to anybody. Somebody please tell Megan; I couldn't find her email address. Yesterday we went to have our 20 week ultrasound to determine if the baby is ok and also to determine the gender. We found out that the baby is a boy, but we also found out that he has a major congenital heart defect, and his chances of living are very small. Basically, there is a hole in his heart, and one of the valves doesn't function. This means the left ventricle is doing all the work, and the right atrium is small and unused. This is a rare defect, and possibly treated surgically, if this isn't the result of a chromosomal abnormality. If it is the result of a chromosomal abnormality, then the only result is death.

We've seen a prenatal heart specialist, and we have an appointment with an infant heart surgeon on Wednesday. I've also had amniocentesis, which will tell us whether this is a chromosomal abnormality. Even if it isn't,
however, the chances of long term survival for our baby are very small.

Those are the facts. This is what it means. It means that we are living in a nightmare that we can't wake up from. It means our baby doesn't have much of a chance, even though he's still alive inside of me right now, there is nothing I can do to help him. We have to decide now, after we get the results of all the tests, if we want to terminate the pregnancy, which I can barely stand the thought of - I love this baby, and have wanted him all my life. But I don't want to damn him to a life of suffering that won't last very long. All Damian and I are good for right now is crying. I thought I'd dealt with hard times in my life. I was wrong. There never was real pain before this.

I'll keep you posted, and pray that this never happens to any of you.

Jenn"

And now, one full year later, the world is a completely different place. Corey is here! And he's fat! And happy! And he has two tiny, funny teeth! We've been through one insane roller-coaster over this past year. We've endured things I never would have thought possible to handle without losing my mind. And it's all been worth it. Because Corey is smiling away at me right now, as he sits in his chair and alternates between watching me and watching "Dragon Tales".

Thanks to all of you who have helped us along our way. And thanks to all of you for loving our little precious boy.

3 months post-Glenn!

Today marks the 3 month anniversary of Corey's Glenn surgery. I can hardly believe it! Damian said, last night over dinner, time moved at a snail's pace prior to the Glenn, and since then it has moved with all speed. I agree that time seems to have picked up again. In less than 10 days, Corey will be 8 months old! Before we all know it, he'll be a year old. That'll be a wonderful, joyous day.

Happy Birthday to Corey's Daddy!

Today is Damian's 33rd birthday, and Corey and I would like to wish him a happy birthday! We love you, Daddy/Honey!