We lost another heart child

We lost her at the end of last month, and I didn't find out about it until today. We lost Kaitlyn Grace, another child with tricuspid atresia, whose mother I'd been talking to and encouraging. Showing her pictures of Corey, sharing video of him riding his trike, assuring her that Kaitlyn would be riding her trike one day, too. There aren't any words at all that can accurately describe how utterly heartbroken and desolate I feel that I was wrong.

I didn't know about her passing because I'd been leaving her mother, Shauntae, alone, knowing that Kaitlyn was in the post-B-T shunt phase of her life, and remembering what an absolute blur of sleep deprivation and fear those days were for me. I decided to let her take the lead, and I just figured that they were pressing on when I heard nothing.

And so I was shocked to my core when I read this morning on another heart mom's blog that she had passed. Here is a clip that her father, Jay, wrote posted on January 31st:

"At 8:35 pm last night we gave back to God the gift that he gave us 59 days ago. Our little angel went to be a real angel and we, her father and mother, had to let her go back to her heavenly father.

Kaitlyn Grace was truly a blessing in our lives and touched so many other lives...people that we know and people that we can only dream of.
Everyone absolutely flooded heaven with prayers for her and for this we will be eternally grateful to each and every one of you who said even the smallest of prayers.

Kaitlyn leaves behind so many of us to become whole again in the kingdom of God. No more pokes, or beeps, or pain. She leaves behind so many wonderful memories packed into a too-short 59 days. She leaves behind a legacy of spirit and fight and a never-give-up attitude that I will spend the rest of my life trying to live up to. How many two month olds can say they have created a legacy?

Thank you all for being with her in spirit. I just know she could feel it all around her.

The Saturday before her surgery, Jane Holestine and Faith Mahoney, two wonderful family friends took some wonderful pictures of Kaitlyn Grace Staiger that we will always treasure as well as the memories of that wonderful wonderful day. We are indebted to her for this day which we will remember forever.

kaitlyn2mo 121 copy - ID: 7761464 © Jane Holestine kaitlyn2mo 093 copy - ID: 7761456 © Jane Holestine
Kaitlyn Grace Staiger: 12/2/08 1:02pm - 1/30/09 8:35pm

More pictures of our beautiful perfect angel are available at:

www.janeholestinephotography.com

Click gallery "j" Baby K and the password is "Jay"

This all may have broken her worldly body. But this never took away her spirit. She never gave up - she never ever gave up.

We love Kaitlyn so much. She will always be our "Katie G", our "Katie Bug", our "little pumpkin." And we will definitely see her again...

-- Jay and Shauntae Staiger"

Shauntae and Jay will never know how sorry I am that their little girl is a heart angel now. That she'll never get to meet Corey at heart camp someday to compare scars. That I never got to say "I told you so!" when Kaitlyn rode her trike for the first time. I'm so sorry, and it's not enough.

Corey is funny and four!

Today my baby is four years old! When did that happen? It seems like five minutes ago when the perinatologist told us to terminate, and when we found hope, we wondered if he would make it to one. And now he's four! Instead of hashing over the past again, I'd like to celebrate our little boy's birthday by sharing a bunch of funny Corey quotes that I've been amassing. WARNING! There is some moderately spicy language in this post, though it's nothing they wouldn't say on daytime TV. Enjoy!

1. As we headed up the stairs to get the boys teeth brushed and put them to bed, Corey looked at Damian and said, "It's been a hard day." I nearly lost it! A hard day doing what?! Playing with his toys? Drinking his apple juice and eating chicken nuggets? That's some tough stuff.

2. Damian takes bananas to work, but he tends to forget them unless I put them on the doorknob (in a bag, of course - I don't have incredible banana-balancing powers). One day I asked Damian if he'd taken his banana that day, and he said "no". Corey then chimed in with, "You wouldn't remember even if I taped it to your forehead." Where did he hear that phrase? I must have said it at some point. More evidence that I need to watch my mouth in his presence.

3. And here's an even finer example of my need to watch my mouth. To that end I spell things around him all the time, but that is no longer cutting it. Last night we were all in Corey's room getting Corey tucked in, and Damian swatted my hand away so he could sit down. I said, jokingly, "Excuse me! Could you not have asked me to move my hand? You basically just told me to move it, B-I-T-C-H." Corey started chanting, "Move it, B-I-T-C-H! Move it, B-I-T-C-H!" (groan) Hopefully he's forgotten how to spell that! I can just see him going up to my mother-in-law and whipping out, "Nanny! B-I-T-C-H!"

4. When observing Mason playing a car race game on the laptop, Corey said to his brother "I see you're stuck in a tunnel. I bet there's traffic in that tunnel." Traffic? 4-year-olds are worried about traffic? We need to move.

5. I was on the laptop looking at something with Mason, and I asked Corey to hand me the remote (as he wanted to watch a show, and I didn't want to leave Mason). He did it, and as he handed me the remote, he said, "Say thank you, Mommy!" I did, and then I laughed. Perhaps my attempts at teaching him politeness are paying off.

6. We bought one of those magic hatching eggs that you immerse in water and 4 hours later - voila! You get a chick or a bunny. Only Corey didn't realize that it wouldn't be a real, living chick or bunny, so when his chick was "born", with a sad look he said, "But it doesn't go 'peep peep', Mommy!"

7. We were discussing the (rapidly approaching) Fontan, and we were looking at Corey's scar and talking about it. We also took a look at my C-section scar, and I explained that I got my scar when Corey and Mason "popped out of my belly". Corey looked at me seriously, looked at my scar, looked at his scar, and then asked, "Well who's gonna pop outta me?" Not a chick or bunny, that's for sure.

8. This morning, I said, "Happy Birthday Corey! You're four!" He looked at me in utter confusion, and he said, "I'm four NOW?" He thought he had to wait for his party to turn four officially!

Happy Birthday, Corey! Mommy, Daddy and Mason love you!